Making a Marriage Happy
October 14th, 2005 by 
Administrator
I originally entitled it Making a Marriage Last, but reckon that there are also many marriages that are not necessarily happy that sustains, so I figure that at the end, what you really want to do is to sustain your happiness in marriage.
I was just in a friend’s wedding, and of course, there were lots of advice shared for the newlyweds. Some friends playfully suggested that it really is very simple - just give the wife all your money, and allow her to be the boss. But I think deep down we all know that marriage is a union, and the most important factor is that in a union, nobody wins or lose. You cannot win an argument, and you cannot say you put one over the other — if one lose, but lose.
You also cannot intentionally lose — if you don’t believe deeply that you are wrong, admitting you are wrong can be a short term recourse, but giving in frequently even if you know you should have spoken is also not healthy. Sooner or later, something is gonna give if both sides don’t feel they are at least being heard, or their needs and wants being met.
So each side have to try their best to preserve the dignity and respect of the other, and make sure both side win. I don’t really know a foolproof way, but do know one thing — one cannot be angry for long if the other is keeping his/her cool or at least his/her silence.
So my take — when the other side is speaking, make your best effort to listen — just listen, don’t interrupt, don’t try to make your point. Just listen. I reckon if one side choose to listen and not to argue, a fight should not escalate nor last very long.
What better feeling can you get than that you could have won the argument if you have chosen to, but you choose to give your spouse the dignity of not being wrong. You don’t necessarily have to admit you’re wrong, but then why the need to prove you’re right, either?
What do you think?
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Posted in On Life | 
October 14th, 2005 at 11:41 pm
My advice for marriage is simple. We have one rule. If you think it say it. Nothing gets hidden or left for later. No matter what it is you are thinking. My wife and I have never had a fight. We disagree with each other on certian things. But respect the others ability to use thier own brain and skills to solve problems or situations. I married a very smart woman. She says she married her soulmate.
October 15th, 2005 at 9:17 pm
I don’t really have an advice but instead a question to ask. What is it in marriage that you cannot have if you are single? I’m still trying to figure out what’s the advantage of getting married. Is there any?
October 16th, 2005 at 8:52 am
HI bubba,
You are a lucky guy. You have something many people only dream of having.
October 16th, 2005 at 8:54 am
HI Mr Pogi,
Based on your comments, you apparently are single. The advantages are simple — while you may be happy single, happiness double when shared with the right person.
You may think there is enjoyment playing the playstation, or basketball alone, and it is good enough, but a second person can infinitely add to the pleasure to the game.
October 16th, 2005 at 11:48 am
I can have that second person that you are talking about without signing on the dotted line so why is there a need to marry someone? So basically, why buy the cow, when I can get the milk for free?
October 16th, 2005 at 10:14 pm
HI Mr. Pogi,
Well, we will have to agree to disagree. I understand that you don’t want to be committed, but at the end, commitment is mutual. You commit yourself to her, and she commits herself to you, and believe me, there will be time that you will appreciate it when somebody supports you when you need it.
October 20th, 2005 at 12:56 pm
there is no perfect marriage… a marriage that has no quarrel issues isn’t a perfect marriage… it’s up to the couple who will decide if they are happy or not.. for the single persons - the advice is, it’s like asking a person if you’re in love, you can’t love without loving another person, so the same is marriage, you can’t know the advantages & disadvantages of having married life not until you are married… Man and Woman are two distinct individuals, it’s how they cope up with the relationship, commitment is the answer…
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