I was talking to a friend for a long time. He is quite qualified, but he has been hitting snags in his life. He tries so hard, I thought to myself, yet he has not been making it. Then it suddenly hit me — maybe because he works too hard to make people like him.

There is nothing wrong with working hard to be liked, but if I have my take, the more appropriate goal for you is to work hard to be respected. Yes, there is a difference.

When you work hard to be liked, you have the feeling that the person will not like you if you disagree with him, or does not have the same taste with him, or especially when you fail, or not come up to his/her expectations. So you work hard to hide your traits that he/she may find disagreeable, or don’t dare to disagree or show your true opinions or colors if you feel that it will not augur well. You are on your toes when you deal with him/her, and you may even try to inconvenience yourself so as to please him/her.

When your aim is to gain respect, it is different. Your aim is to show the person that you know something, and if that something engenders an opinion that may not agree with him, then you try to explain that it is not intentional, but you really feel firmly on it.

You can dare to be different, but in order to gain respect, you don’t only dare to be different, but also show good cause why you are different. This does not mean that you should not be sensitive to other people’s feelings, but at the end, you should respect the person well enough that he won’t take it against you just because you don’t agree with him.

I may be stating too strongly when I say that a person is shallow if he outrights dislike a person who is unlike him. And it would be underestimating that a person IS shallow if you think your being different from him will make him dislike you.

When you are liked, and you work hard to continue to be liked, then it crimps your options tremendously. However, if your goal is to be respected, then you can focus on other important things, and as long as you conduct yourself with dignity, and professionally, and you treat others with respect as well, and understands that they may also be different, I think the more enduring way to build relationship and your career is when you are able to get people to respect you.

When you are liked, you might cease to be liked when you don’t agree with each other. When you are respected, as long as you are true to yourself, you will most likely retain that respect.